A few months ago, I quit my day job as a jack-of-all-trades office worker at a fast-paced internet company in the heart of Los Angeles culture. This was a strategic move on my part. After encountering several enlightening situations, I began to rethink my commitment to a bi-weekly paycheck over my commitment to doing something truly meaningful with my life. I'm not saying working in an office, helping a company run its day-to-day business is not meaningful. In fact, I have come to truly appreciate the very crucial hours people put in to make a small business run (it's a labor of love!), and for some people, this type of work fulfills them. I'm just saying that this type of work is not ultimately meaningful for me, and I finally decided to take a risky jump to fulfill my life purpose. So, with a heart thankful for the opportunity to experience two years in my supporting role, I said a tearful goodbye to my peeps at the office, and have since explored the next step.
So what is the next step?
Report is as follows: I Don't know. Exactly.
Am I allowed to say that? Is an almost-30, educated, smart woman in the prime of life (without children, even!) allowed to say that in our society, which tends to stress 'doing' above 'being'? I know my next step will have something to do with writing, and probably something to do with my interest in environmental issues and urban planning, but those are pretty wide swaths of 'I-don't-know' territory. This is a territory that our American culture has deemed 'A nice place to visit, but wouldn't want to live there,' on par with a hut in the desert, or camping with a dog. According to conventional wisdom, this territory spells disaster if you overstay your visit. Only losers hang out in this no-mans land, people who can't get it together to 'be somebody', those who sacrifice their careers for others, are lazy, homeless, or in jail. It doesn't take long in this position to get the feeling your friends and family are nudging you towards 'official' productivity, demonstrated with carefully-placed comments of "When you get a job..." For normal, nice, hard-working people, the 'I-don't-know' territory should be relegated to one's two weeks of vacation once a year, when God-fearing folks are allowed to wake up in their hotel room and not have an agenda until after they've had their coffee.
For me, every day feels like vacation, for now. Some days are super productive and there are 2000 words on my computer screen and three job applications to show for it, and others are a flop. And I'm not sure how I feel about that, except to say that I made a commitment to myself to not waste another second of my life doing something that isn't contributing to my purpose. For now, this means listening, and looking, and waiting. Is this a little self-serving? Maybe, yes.
On the other hand, if I find the thing - the very important thing that I believe is out there for me to do with my time on earth - it's a very good thing for the rest of the world, because I know it's something that will serve others tremendously. Ultimately, that's what 'finding your purpose' is all about. Not just for me, but for everyone.
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